Dealing with a narcissistic daughter in law can be a tough and emotionally draining experience. The only way to get through this challenging situation is to learn the ins and outs of this type of relationship and how it impacts blood ties.
This guide will discuss what makes a daughter-in-law narcissistic and how that can affect the family. Whether you are a worried parent or a family member having a hard time, this article will give you insight and help you find ways to heal and keep your relationships healthy.
I. What is a Narcissistic Daughter in Law?
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Here is a part that explains what narcissism is, how it shows up in relationships, and what a narcissistic daughter in law is like:
A- Defining Narcissism and Its Manifestations in Relationships
A high opinion of oneself, a need for admiration, and an inability to care about others are characteristics of the personality disease known as narcissism. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) constantly have a skewed view of themselves and their relationships.
They may think they are better than others and expect to be treated that way. They may also be very sensitive to criticism, and if they feel like they are not being treated fairly, they may respond with anger or rage.
Narcissists often try to control and rule the people they are with. They might be demanding, feel they deserve everything, and expect their partners to meet their needs. They may also be critical and harsh, making their partners feel like they’re never good enough.
B- Exploring the Narcissistic Daughter In Law Traits
There are a few traits that might show that a daughter-in-law is self-centered. These things are:
1- Grandiosity and Entitlement
A narcissistic daughter in law often has an inflated sense of how important she is and how much she deserves. She might think she is better than others and wants special care or rights.
2- Lack of Empathy
Empathy is vital to good relationships, but a narcissistic daughter in law usually doesn’t care about others. She might find it hard to understand or consider family members’ feelings, wants, and points of view, which could make everyone feel bad.
3- Manipulation and Control
Narcissistic people are very good at using others to get what they want. A daughter-in-law with narcissistic traits might try to control and boss family members by making them feel guilty, gaslighting them, or playing mind games.
4- Attention-Seeking Behavior
Narcissistic people need constant praise and attention. If a daughter-in-law has these traits, she may try to get attention by exaggerating her accomplishments, taking over conversations, or constantly looking for validation.
5- Lack of Boundaries
Healthy relationships depend on respecting each other’s limits. Still, a narcissistic daughter in law often doesn’t care about other people’s boundaries. She might get into people’s private lives, cross lines, and have trouble respecting the freedom of others.
Suppose you understand narcissistic daughter in law traits. In that case, you’ll be able to spot and understand the behavior patterns of a selfish daughter-in-law. It’s important to remember that only professionals should try to figure out if someone has narcissistic personality disorder.
But if you are dealing with a selfish daughter-in-law, knowing these traits can help you deal with the problems and stay healthy.
II. Signs of a Narcissistic Daughter in Law
Here is a part that talks about how to spot a narcissistic daughter in law, including how to spot red flags and patterns of behavior, as well as how a narcissistic daughter in law often uses manipulation:
A- Recognizing Red Flags and Behavioral Patterns
It’s important to recognize the signs of a narcissistic daughter in law to understand and deal with the issues that may arise. Here are some red flags and trends in behavior to look out for:
1- Excessive Desire for Attention
A narcissistic daughter in law often needs attention and approval all the time. She may talk too much, try to focus everyone’s attention on herself, or get angry if she feels overlooked or overshadowed.
2- Lack of Empathy
People with narcissistic traits usually don’t have much empathy. Your daughter-in-law may not care much about other people’s feelings or ignore them, focusing instead on her wants and needs.
3- Manipulative Behavior
People with narcissism are good at getting what they want. Your daughter-in-law may try to control situations by manipulating people, taking talks to her advantage, or making people feel guilty about getting what she wants.
4- Sense of Entitlement
Narcissistic people often feel like they deserve special care. Your daughter-in-law might expect special treatment, not care about rules or limits, and get angry if she doesn’t get what she wants.
5- Lack of Accountability
Narcissists often have trouble taking responsibility for their actions or admitting when they are wrong. Your daughter-in-law might blame someone else, make excuses for her actions, or try to gaslight you by twisting the truth to make you doubt what you think you know.
B- Common Manipulative Tactics Used by Narcissistic Daughter in Laws
When dealing with a narcissistic daughter in law, you must know how she might try to control you. Some common ways people try to get what they want are:
1- Gaslighting
Your daughter-in-law might change the truth, reject or discount what you’ve been through, or make you doubt your memory or sanity. This strategy is meant to make you feel less sure of yourself and question what you think is real.
2- Emotional Manipulation
Narcissistic people often use feelings to get what they want. Your daughter-in-law might use guilt trips, emotional outbursts, or dramatic displays of suffering to control and sway people.
3- Triangulation
It means making family members fight or argue with each other to maintain control and attention. Your daughter-in-law might try to get family members to fight with each other or use divisive methods to show who is in charge.
4- Silent Treatment
Your daughter-in-law may use the “silent treatment” as a form of punishment or to get what she wants from others by not talking or being emotionally close to them. This plan will make you feel bad or worried so she will like you.
5- Projecting Blame
When a narcissistic daughter in law is criticized or asked to take responsibility, she may try to blame other people. She may blame you or other family members for the same things she does herself. It is a way for her to avoid taking responsibility for her actions.
Having healthy boundaries with a narcissistic daughter in law can be easier if you spot the signs and tricks she uses to control you. In the following parts, we’ll discuss ways to deal with this challenging situation and stay healthy in the face of selfish behavior.
Read More: How to Spot Signs of Anger Issues in a Child
III. The Effects of a Narcissistic Daughter in Law on Family Dynamics
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A narcissistic daughter in law can change how a family works in a big way. They can cause conflicts and stress among family members, making it hard for everyone to feel safe and cared for.
A- Impact on the Relationship Between the Daughter in Law and Parents in Law
Having a narcissistic daughter in law can make it hard for the parents-in-law to get along with the daughter-in-law. Here are some common effects:
1- Strained Communication
Talking to her can be complex and shallow if your daughter-in-law is narcissistic. She might talk over you, ignore your ideas or worries, or not care much about keeping a reasonable exchange of ideas going.
2- Emotional Distance
When someone is narcissistic, they often drive a wedge between themselves and their family members. Your daughter-in-law might not show emotional warmth, understanding, or a genuine interest in your well-being, which could make you feel like you’re not connected to her.
3- Power Struggles
Narcissistic people want to be in charge and may try to dominate others, even their in-laws. When your daughter-in-law tries to position herself as the most powerful person in the family, it can lead to power struggles.
4- Manipulative Influence on Your Child
If you and your son share a child, a narcissistic daughter in law may try to control and abuse your relationship with your son. She might use your kid as a bargaining chip or make it hard for you to see them show who’s in charge.
Read More: Why Is My Daughter So Angry All the Time: A Parent’s Guide
B- Strained Relationships with Siblings and Extended Family Members
A narcissistic daughter in law can make it hard for the daughter-in-law to get along with her in-laws, brothers, and other family members. Here are some ways that these relationships are affected:
1- Divisions and Conflicts
Family members often fight with each other when someone is narcissistic. Siblings may find themselves taking sides, which can cause fights and cause their relationships to break down.
2- Enabling or Codependency
Some family members may unintentionally help the narcissistic daughter in law or become codependent. It can make it harder for the broader family to get along as they try to figure out how to deal with the changes she brings.
3- Emotional Distress
Dealing with a selfish daughter-in-law can make family members feel bad and hurt their emotional health. Constant manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional abuse can make family members feel anxious, stressed, and helpless.
4- Alienation and Isolation
A narcissistic daughter in law might try to keep your son from spending time with his extended family. It could make your son feel alone and cut off from his other cousins. It can put even more stress on relationships and make it hard to keep a family network that helps each other.
Understanding how a narcissistic daughter-in-law affects the rest of the family is crucial so you can find ways to deal with it, protect your health, and keep good relationships. In the next part, we’ll give you advice and suggestions on how to deal with this tricky situation and help your family become more resilient.
IV. How to Deal with Narcissistic Daughter in Law
Dealing with a narcissistic daughter in law can be difficult and draining on your emotions. But you can deal with the situation and protect yourself from emotional abuse by doing some things.
A- Establishing Boundaries and Asserting Your Needs
Setting clear rules with your daughter-in-law is one of the most important things you can do. It means telling her what you’ll accept and what you won’t. You might decide, for example, that you won’t let her say bad things about you or your family or that she won’t be able to control your son’s relationships with his family.
It’s also important to be clear about what you want. It means being clear and straight with your daughter-in-law about what you need. For example, you could say, “I need you to stop saying bad things about me. You can’t talk to me like that.”
B- Effective Communication Strategies
When working with a narcissistic daughter in law, finding good ways to talk to her is also important. You should avoid getting into fights or debates and stay calm and confident. Use “I” statements, which help you say what you feel and what you want in a clear and straight way. For example, you could say, “It hurts my feelings when you say bad things about me.”
C- Seeking Professional Help and Support
Suppose you are having a hard time dealing with a narcissistic daughter in law. In that case, getting help and support from a professional is vital. A therapist can help you understand how narcissistic abuse works and find ways to deal with it.
There are also a lot of online resources that may help and give you knowledge. People with narcissistic abuse can get help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s website and hotline.
Don’t forget that you are not alone. Many people have dealt with a selfish daughter-in-law and know how hard it can be. You can get help to deal with the problem and keep yourself from being emotionally abused.
Additional Tips
- Be consistent. If you tell your daughter-in-law what she can and can’t do, you should stick to those rules. You shouldn’t give in to her requests or tricks, even if it’s hard.
- Don’t expect her to change. Narcissists won’t change how they act, so keeping your standards in check is essential. She will only become a nice person with time.
- Take Care of Yourself. Dealing with a narcissistic daughter-in-law can hurt your emotions, so taking care of yourself is crucial. Ensure your friends, family, or a doctor are giving you enough help.
It can be hard to deal with a narcissistic daughter in law, but remember, you are not alone. You can get help to deal with the problem and keep yourself from being emotionally abused. You can lessen the effect of her behavior on your life by setting limits, using good conversation skills, and getting professional help.
V. Coping Strategies for Surviving a Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law
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A- Self-Care Practices for Emotional Well-Being
Emotional care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. It means you should take care of yourself by doing things that help you relax, feel less stressed, and feel good about yourself. Some helpful self-care activities include:
1- Exercise
Working out is a great way to get rid of stress and feel better. Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes at a moderate level most days.
2- Meditation
Meditation can help you calm your mind and pay attention to what’s happening. There are many ways to meditate, so find the best one.
3- Yoga
Yoga is a great way to get more robust, flexible, and in tune with your body. It can also help you feel better and less stressed.
4- Spend Time in Nature
Spending time in nature has been shown to help your mental and emotional health in some ways. Go for a walk in the park, go hiking in the woods, or sit in your backyard and enjoy the fresh air.
5- Get Enough Sleep
Getting sufficient sleep is vital for both your physical and mental health. Try to sleep for 7-8 hours every night.
6- Eat a Healthy Diet
Physically and mentally, you can feel your best when you eat well. Choose a lot of fruits, veggies, and whole grains.
7- Connect with Loved Ones
Spending time with people you care about can make you feel loved and cared for. Keep in touch with your friends and family as much as possible every day.
B- Building a Support Network of Understanding Individuals
Building a support network of people who understand you is another important way to deal with stress. It could be done with the help of friends, family, a counselor, or a support group. Talking to people who understand what you’re going through can be very helpful.
Find friends who will listen to you without giving you advice. They should be able to provide you with help and encouragement without trying to solve your problems.
It can be hard to deal with a selfish daughter-in-law, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are things you can do to deal with the problem and protect your emotional health. You can lessen the effect of her actions on your life by taking care of yourself mentally and building a network of people you can count on.
VI. Co-parenting with a Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law
Co-parenting with a narcissistic daughter in law can be complex and draining on your emotions. Narcissists are often controlling and cunning and may try to use children as pawns in their games.
A- Navigating Challenges in Shared Parenting
Some of the problems that come with having a narcissistic daughter in law as a stepchild are:
- The narcissist may try to control the kids’ time with you. They might try to make it hard for you to see the kids, or they might try to get the kids to turn against you.
- The narcissist may try to undermine your parenting. They might say bad things about how you raise your kids or try to get them to do something you’ve told them not to do.
- The narcissist may try to use the children as pawns. They might try to get what they want from you by using the kids, or they might try to turn the kids against you.
B- Strategies for Minimizing Conflict and Protecting the Children
Here are some ways to co-parent with a narcissistic daughter in law that will help you avoid fights and keep the kids safe:
1- Establish Firm Boundaries
Tell your ego what you’ll put up with and what you won’t. For example, you could say, “I won’t let you criticize how I raise my children in front of them.”
2- Document Everything
Write down everything you say and do with the narcissist, including the date, time, and what was said. It will help you if you need to go to court.
3- Communicate In Writing
It will make it more likely that people will understand each other. Also, keeping copies of everything you say or write is a good idea.
4- Be Consistent
If you set boundaries, you should always stick to them. It will show your ego how serious you are.
5- Don’t Take It Personally
The way a narcissist acts has nothing to do with you. It’s about them and what’s going on in their lives.
6- Protect the Children
The most important thing is to keep the abuser from hurting the children. It could mean they have less contact with the narcissist or get help from a professional.
It can be hard to co-parent with a narcissistic daughter in law, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Some tools can help you deal with the problems and keep the kids safe. You can limit how much the narcissist’s behavior affects your and your children’s lives by setting clear boundaries, speaking in writing, and being consistent.
VII. The Role of the Spouse in Dealing with a Narcissistic Daughter in Law
When a daughter-in-law is selfish, her husband or wife can do a lot to help their partner deal with it. Here are some suggestions on how to be a good partner:
A- Understanding the Spouse’s Perspective
1- Empathize with Your Spouse
Recognize that your partner may be in a tough spot, pulled between their love for you and their love for their daughter. Their unique situations and emotional connections may affect how they see things.
2- Communicate Openly and Honestly
Open up and be honest with your partner about your problems with your narcissistic daughter in law. Talk to your partner about how you feel, what worries you, and what you’ve noticed. It can help you learn more about each other and improve your relationship.
3- Validate Their Experiences
Validate your partner’s feelings and memories about their daughter. Recognize their problems, frustrations, and conflicts, and let them know their feelings are important and real.
B- Providing Support and Maintaining a United Front
1- Offer Emotional Support
Be there for your partner when they need it. During hard times, it’s important to listen carefully, show empathy, and give support. Help your partner feel like you understand and value them. It will remind them that you are a team and face problems together.
2- Maintain a United Front
When dealing with your narcissistic daughter-in-law, you and your partner should put on a united front. Set up shared limits and ways to handle interactions and conflicts. Don’t disagree or put each other down in front of your daughter-in-law because she can use this to her advantage.
3- Seek Couples Therapy If Needed
Consider going to couples therapy or counseling to improve your relationship and figure out how to deal with your selfish daughter-in-law. A professional can give advice, help improve communication, and suggest ways to keep everyone on the same page and working together.
4- Encourage Your Spouse’s Self-Care
Encourage your partner to put their health and well-being first. Help them participate in things that help them relax, deal with stress, and grow as people. Taking care of themselves will help them deal with the problems that their self-centered daughter-in-law brings.
Remember that having a narcissistic daughter in law can make your marriage harder. By understanding and empathizing with your partner’s point of view, supporting them, and keeping a united front, you can improve your relationship and work through the difficulties as a team. You can strengthen, protect your marriage and help each other through hard times.
VIII. Narcissistic Daughter-in-Law Withholding Grandchildren
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A- Recognizing the Reasons Behind This Behavior
A narcissistic daughter-in-law might not let the grandparents see the grandkids for several reasons. Some of the most popular ones are:
1- Control
The narcissist may want to limit the grandparents’ access to their grandchildren so they can control their son or daughter.
2- Jealousy
The narcissist might be jealous of the connection between the grandparents and the grandchildren and want to keep them from being close.
3- Revenge
The narcissist may be using the grandkids to get back at the grandparents for something they did or said.
4- Fear of Criticism
The narcissist might be afraid that the grandparents will criticize how they raise their children or how they live.
B- Recognizing the Signs Behind This Behavior
If you think your daughter-in-law is keeping your grandkids from you, there are a few things you can look for. Some of these signs could be:
- Your daughter-in-law makes excuses for why you cannot see the grandchildren. She might say, for example, that the grandkids are too busy, sick, or just not feeling well.
- Your daughter-in-law is reluctant to let you see the grandchildren alone. She might want to be there whenever you’re with the grandkids, or she might only let you see them in public.
- Your daughter-in-law is critical of your parenting or lifestyle. She might say something bad about how you care for your kids, weight, looks, or house.
C- Strategies for Addressing the Issue
Here are some ways to deal with the problem:
- Pick a time to talk when both of you are calm and at ease.
- Tell your daughter-in-law and grandkids how much you love and care about them.
- Then, tell her how you feel about how she’s acting. Tell her exactly what it is that she is doing that hurts you.
- Make it clear what kind of behavior you will and will not accept. For example, you might tell her that she can’t say bad things about how you raise your kids or live your life.
- Be ready to leave if she doesn’t want to listen to you or change how she acts.
D- Fostering Healthy Grandparent-Grandchild Relationships
Even if your daughter-in-law isn’t ready to change, you can still help your grandchildren get along with their grandparents. Here are some tips:
- Build direct relationships with your grandchildren. It implies you must spend time with them alone, without your daughter-in-law.
- Be a positive role model for your grandchildren. Show them you care about and love them and will always be there for them.
- Be patient. If your grandkids have spent much time with their mother, getting used to a new normal may take a while.
Remember that you are not alone. Many people have dealt with a narcissistic daughter in law and know how hard it can be. There are ways to deal with the situation and build good relationships between grandparents and grandchildren.
IX. Protecting Yourself from Emotional Manipulation
When one person exploits another’s emotions (guilt, shame, fear, etc.) to exert power over them, emotional manipulation is a kind of psychological abuse. It can be hard to spot and stop emotional trickery, but there are a few things you can do to protect yourself:
- Identify the manipulation tactics. Some common ways to control someone are gaslighting, making them feel guilty, and love-bombing. Once you know what to look for, you can tell when they are being used against you.
- Don’t take it personally. It’s important to remember that the trickster isn’t trying to hurt you personally. They want to get what they want and try anything they think will work.
- Put limits in place. Tell the deceiver what you’ll accept and what you won’t. For example, you could say, “I will not put up with you rudely talking to me.”
- Don’t be afraid to walk away. Leaving the conversation or the relationship altogether is okay if the manipulator is unwilling to respect your limits.
- Build your emotional resilience. The less likely you will be swayed by emotional trickery, the more intense you are. You can build your emotional strength by adopting mindfulness, meditation, and self-care.
A- Identifying Manipulation Tactics
Here are some common ways people try to get you to do what they want. These things are:
1- Gaslighting
It is a type of manipulation in which the person tries to get you to question your reality. They might say that things didn’t happen or that you are crazy or making things up.
2- Guilt-Tripping
It is a form of influence in which the person trying to control you tries to make you feel bad about something. “How could you do this to me?” they might say. “You’re such a bad person.”
3- Love-Bombing
It is a form of manipulation in which the person who wants to win you gives you lots of love and care. They might buy you presents, tell you how much they love you, or make you promises about everything.
4- Stonewalling
It is a form of manipulation in which the person doing it won’t talk to you. They might not talk to you, give you the quiet treatment, or walk away.
5- Triangulation
It is a type of influence in which the person trying to control you tries to make you fight with someone else. They might say things like, “Your friend thinks you’re crazy,” or “Your family doesn’t like you.”
B- Strengthening Emotional Resilience
There are many things you can do to make yourself more emotionally strong. These things are:
1- Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment without judging it. It can help you keep your feet on the ground without getting sucked into the manipulator’s games.
2- Meditate
Meditation is a great way to calm your mind and let go. It can also help you feel more robust and at peace with yourself.
3- Take Care of Yourself
Ensure you sleep well, eat healthy foods, and work out often. Taking care of your body will also help you feel better about yourself emotionally.
4- Create a Support Network
Get close to people who love and care about you. When you need them, these people can be there for you, and they can help you stay strong when you’re being manipulated.
It can be hard to be emotionally manipulated, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. You can protect yourself from emotional manipulation in many ways, and there are tools to help you deal with it if it does happen. By building your mental strength and surrounding yourself with people who care about you, you can stand up to manipulation and keep yourself from getting hurt.
X. Healing and Moving Forward
It can take a long time and be hard to get over being emotionally manipulated, but it is doable. There are many things you can do to help yourself heal and move on, such as:
A- Strategies for Personal Growth and Healing
1- Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions
It’s important to notice and deal with your feelings, even the hard ones. Keeping your feelings inside will only make it harder to get better.
2- Talk to Someone You Trust
Talking to a therapist, psychologist, trusted friend, or family member can support you in working through your feelings and understanding what happened.
3- Practice Self-Care
To heal, you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally. Ensure you sleep well, eat healthy foods, and work out often.
4- Set Boundaries
It’s essential to tell the person who influenced you where you stand. It could mean talking to them less or interacting with them in specific ways.
5- Forgive Yourself
It would be best to forgive yourself for anything you did or said that worsened the situation. Getting over the past will be easier if you can ignore it.
6- Find Closure
Even if you can’t get closure, it can help to find a way to deal with what happened. It could mean talking to the person who tricked you, writing them a message, or letting go of the need to get answers.
B- Rebuilding Relationships and Finding Closure
1- Be Patient with Yourself
It takes time to get over being emotionally manipulated. Don’t think that things will get better or you’ll be able to move on immediately.
2- Be Honest with Yourself about What You Desire
Do you want to get back together with someone who took advantage of you? Do you want to put things to rest? Once you know what you want, you can start taking steps to get it.
3- Set Boundaries
If you are trying to get back on good terms with someone who used you, it is important to set limits. It means you must be clear about what you will and won’t stand for.
4- Be Open to Communication
Talk to the person who tricked you if you want to put things to rest. But you should be ready because they might not want to talk to you.
5- Give Yourself Time
It takes time to get over being emotionally manipulated. Don’t think you’ll forget what happened in one day. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to get better.
It can take a long time and be hard to get over being emotionally manipulated, but it is doable. You can start to feel better and move on by doing the above things. Remember that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who have been in your shoes, and there are things that can help you.
Summary
In this article, we discussed how to deal with a narcissistic daughter in law and advised those who have suffered from one. Here are the important points in a nutshell:
1- Understanding the dynamics of a narcissistic daughter in law: We talked about the traits of narcissistic personality disorder and the difference between good self-esteem and pathological narcissism.
2- Signs of a narcissistic daughter in law include: We discussed warning signs and tricks narcissists often use to get what they want. It will help readers spot these behaviors.
6- Co-parenting with a narcissistic daughter in law: We addressed ways to negotiate shared parenting problems and minimize conflict to protect the children’s well-being.
7- The role of the spouse: We talked about how to deal with a narcissistic daughter-in-law by understanding the spouse’s point of view, giving support, and keeping a united front.
8- Withholding grandchildren: We discussed spotting signs, understanding the reasons for this behavior, and solutions for resolving the issue to create good grandparent-grandchild connections.
9- Protecting yourself from emotional manipulation: We talked about some of the most common ways people are manipulated and gave tips for building emotional power.
10- Healing and moving on: We discussed ways to grow, heal, fix relationships when necessary, and find peace within oneself.
People hurt by narcissistic daughters-in-law can deal with the problems, protect their health, and work toward a happier and healthier life using these ideas and tactics. Remember that every case is different, and it’s important to prioritize self-care and get help when needed.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do narcissists treat their in-laws?
Narcissists might treat their in-laws with a sense of entitlement, disrespect, manipulation, and a lack of understanding. They may try to control and rule the relationships, use others for their gain, or act in ways that are meant to show how much better they are or get people to admire them.
Can a narcissistic daughter in law change her behavior?
Even though everyone can change, it is hard for someone with narcissism to change how they act. Narcissism is a highly ingrained personality trait; you must be self-aware, want to grow, and work hard to change it. But it’s important to remember that people are more likely to change when they are aware of their behavior, seek professional help, and consciously try to change.
Can therapy help in dealing with a narcissistic daughter in law?
When dealing with a narcissistic daughter-in-law, therapy can help because it gives support, advice, and ways to deal with the problems. It can help you understand the dynamics, set limits, improve dialogue, and develop ways to deal with things. But it’s important to remember that the success of therapy rests on everyone’s willingness and determination to take part and work toward positive change.