10 Signs of Poor Communication in Marriage Destroying Your Love

Are you and your partner caught in a rut, questioning what’s causing the problems in your marriage? Poor communication can really hurt a marriage. The thing is, it’s not always simple to find. Signs of poor communication in marriage can be very subtle and appear unexpectedly.

The American Psychological Association lists poor communication as the primary cause of 65% of divorces. Oh no! Talking to someone in a relationship is like breathing to life, as Tony Gaskins says so well. It dies without it.”

In this post, we’ll examine the 10 signs of poor communication in marriage that can destroy your love and offer practical advice on how to improve communication in your relationship.

The Importance of Communication in Marriage

A healthy, blissful marriage starts with being able to talk to each other clearly. In fact, the National Survey of Families and Households found that communication is key to a healthy marriage and that satisfied couples who talk to each other well are more likely to stay together.

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This is also true: poor communication can lead to divorce. The American Community Survey says that not being able to talk to each other is the main reason people get divorced. Communication is a crucial factor in whether a marriage will work or not, as this figure shows.

So, what exactly does good conversation do for a marriage? The Gottman Institute, an important organization that researches marriage and relationships, says that effective communication can strengthen intimacy and trust. When both people in a relationship feel heard and understood, they are more likely to feel linked and safe.

Famous relationship expert John Gottman once said that communication is the backbone of any good relationship. By making good communication a priority, couples can strengthen their marriages and better handle the difficulties of life. 

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10 Signs of Poor Communication in Marriage

1. Defensiveness and Criticism

Have you ever felt like every conversation turns into a blame game? Defensiveness and criticism are two of the most important signs of poor communication in marriage. Partners who constantly defend themselves or criticize each other make each other angry.

For example, imagine a scenario where one partner says, “You never help with the chores,” and the other snaps back, “Well, you’re always nagging me!” Sound familiar?

As per the National Survey of Families and Households, 60% of couples report feeling defensive during conflicts, which makes things worse. The Gottman Institute has pointed out that this kind of behavior breaks down confidence and builds emotional walls over time.

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2. Stonewalling and Withdrawal

Have you ever encountered the infamous silent treatment? The communication killers, stonewalling, and withdrawal make one partner feel unheard and the other emotionally drained. When you encounter a barrier in a conversation, you fail to make any progress and experience intense frustration.

One partner might, for example, avoid eye contact, walk away, or answer with a single word when the conversation gets heated. These actions are sneaky but harmful.

As per the National Survey of Families and Households, 40% of couples feel disconnected from their partners. The Gottman Institute stresses that this leads to loneliness and a lack of connection.

If these things are happening in your marriage, you need to take action before the mental gap gets bigger.

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3. Lack of Active Listening

Does it ever feel like you’re talking, but your partner isn’t really hearing you? Poor communication in a marriage can manifest in many subtle but harmful ways. One of these is not actively listening. Partners who don’t listen fully can make mistakes, anger, and, finally, resentment.

Think about this: Your partner is looking through their phone and nodding while you talk about something important. Sound familiar? This kind of disinterest can make you feel like no one is seeing you.

One shocking fact from the National Survey of Families and Households is that 75% of couples report feeling unheard by their partner. The Gottman Institute says that active listening is more than just listening to what someone says; it’s also about making them feel valued and heard.

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4. Negative Communication Patterns

Do arguments with your spouse feel more like battles than conversations? Using negative communication patterns like yelling, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive comments can quickly ruin a marriage.

When one partner says, “You’re so perfect!” and the other responds, “Oh, and you’re so hard to talk to?” These habits make it harder to connect with others.

The National Survey of Families and Households discloses that 50% of couples report using negative communication patterns during conflicts. The Gottman Institute warns that this can hurt a couple’s feelings in the long run.

If you want to keep your love alive, you need to change your ways of talking and start using better ones.

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5. Lack of Emotional Intimacy

Does it feel like the spark in your marriage has dimmed? One of the most telling signs of poor communication in marriage is a lack of emotional intimacy. People who live together may begin to feel like strangers when they don’t share their greatest fears, hopes, and dreams.

For example, when things get busy, people often only talk about practical things like “What’s for dinner?” “Did you pay the bills?” In the long run, this can make you feel alone.

As per the National Survey of Families and Households, 30% of couples report feeling emotionally disconnected from their partner. This number shows how important emotional closeness is. According to The Gottman Institute, couples can get closer by talking to each other from the heart and making emotional connections.

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6. Avoiding Conflicts

Do you or your partner avoid arguments like they’re unavoidable? Avoiding conflicts may appear to be an effective strategy for maintaining harmony, but it typically fails. Unresolved problems accumulate and lead to anger and distance, commonly recognized as signs of poor communication in marriage.

Imagine that one partner says, “Let’s talk about our money,” and the other says, “I don’t want to fight; let’s just drop it.” These postponed discussions eventually turn into explosive situations.

As per the National Survey of Families and Households, 20% of couples avoid conflicts altogether, which means they miss the chance to solve problems in a healthy way. The Gottman Institute says that healthy dispute resolution is important for a relationship to grow and trust each other.

It might feel bad to face problems head-on, but it’s a necessary step toward long-term happiness.

7. Lack of Empathy and Understanding

Do you feel like your partner just doesn’t “get” you anymore? One of the most obvious signs of poor communication in marriage is a lack of empathy and understanding. When partners don’t feel empathy, they may feel ignored or not valued, which can widen the emotional gap.

It would be distressing to confide in someone about a challenging day at work and receive the response, “It’s not a significant issue.” “You’re reacting too much.” Saying things like this hurts and makes it harder to connect emotionally.

The National Survey of Families and Households says that 40% of couples report feeling unheard and misunderstood by their partner. The Gottman Institute says that showing empathy by carefully listening and validating your partner’s feelings can strengthen your relationship.

8. Negative Body Language

Are your partner’s crossed arms or constant eye-rolls doing all the talking? Negative body language is a subtle yet powerful method of expressing your disinterest, anger, or interest without uttering a single word.

For instance, not making eye contact or looking away while your partner talks is a clear sign that you are not interested.

According to Albert Mehrabian’s study, 55% of communication is nonverbal. This shows how important body language is in relationships. The Gottman Institute advises couples to pay attention to their body language, as it often conveys more meaning than words.

Being aware of your tone, facial emotions, and body language can help you communicate more positively and helpfully.

9. Lack of Quality Time Together

Do your schedules seem constantly packed, leaving little time for each other? A lack of quality time spent together is one of the main signs of poor communication in marriage and a silent killer in relationships. When couples stop making time for shared moments, they start to feel disconnected and alone.

During dinner, for example, picture a couple who scrolls through their phones more than they talk to each other. As this lack of interest builds, it can lead to emotional distance.

The National Survey of Families and Households says that couples who make time for valuable time together have a 30% lower divorce rate. The Gottman Institute stresses that spending planned time together, like on a date or a walk, strengthens the relationship and improves conversation.

10. Unwillingness to Compromise

Is every disagreement turning into a standoff? Unwillingness to compromise can make people upset and frustrated all the time. While understanding and a willingness to compromise are crucial in marriage, a refusal to reach a compromise indicates more serious communication issues.

Imagine that one partner is determined to manage the spending alone without informing the other. This kind of rigidity leads to stress over time.

As per the National Survey of Families and Households, couples who work together to find a solution have a 25% higher marital satisfaction rate. The Gottman Institute says that instead of seeing compromise as a loss, you should see it as a way to work together to keep the relationship healthy and happy.

A key part of healthy and successful communication is learning how to bend without breaking.

The Impact of Poor Communication on Marriage

Communication issues can harm a marriage in many ways. Poor communication can lead to divorce, as the American Community Survey said. In fact, trouble communicating was named the most common reason for divorce.

But bad conversation has more effects than just the chance of getting divorced. Poor communication can also lead to isolation and emotional disconnection, according to The Gottman Institute. If you and your partner can’t talk to each other well, you might start to feel like you’re living different lives instead of being “connected and intimate.”

As Dr. Sue Johnson, a renowned relationship researcher, so aptly puts it, “Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.” Without effective communication, your marriage can start to wither and die.

Suppose you know the signs of poor communication in your marriage and work on your communication. In that case, you can keep your relationship healthy and avoid feeling emotionally disconnected and alone. 

How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage

It’s easy to feel like you’re talking past each other when you and your spouse can’t communicate. Don’t worry, though—there are good ways to improve communication in marriage and start getting back together.

One useful skill is active listening. Hearing words isn’t enough; you have to really understand how your person feels and sees things. According to The Gottman Institute, active listening can make it much easier to connect emotionally. Couples who practice active listening have a 20% higher marital satisfaction rate, according to the National Survey of Families and Households.

You should also “use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.” When you talk about your feelings from your point of view, you’re less likely to sound defensive and accusing. This makes it safer for people to talk openly. Don’t say, “You never listen to me,” for example. Instead, say, “I feel unheard when we don’t talk about this.”

Also, don’t forget how important quality time is! Regular date nights are a fun and effective way to boost communication and intimacy. The goal is to get to know each other better and give each other our full attention. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic dinner out or a cozy night in. These times help your marriage grow emotionally.

Conclusion: Building a Stronger Marriage Through Communication

A marriage thread holds everything together so you can talk. Signs of poor communication in marriage will appear without it, which could cause your relationship to break down. You can keep the relationship from getting worse by noticing these signs early on and taking steps to improve your communication. This way, you can stop things from getting worse and start building trust, closeness, and understanding again.

Remember that talking isn’t enough to communicate well; you also need to listen, understand, and find shared ground. Remember to self-reflect for a moment. Do you make any of these speech mistakes? Do something now, before things get worse. Take small, thoughtful steps today to improve the way you talk to each other. Every effort counts, whether it’s active listening, planning date nights, or just being aware of what you say.

A stronger marriage is built on open, honest, and compassionate communication.

FAQs About Poor Communication in Marriage